Random thoughts

Well, another day, another killer migraine. I'm sure 3 and a half hours sleep last night didn't help with that. Thank goodness for a wonderful sister in the church who had offered to bring dinner by last week, and I had rain checked. I managed to cash that one in at the most perfect time. Seems like these days dinner is such a hard time.

I am getting anxious for tomorrow. I tried distracting myself by my usual method - shopping. Not that we bought much. River got a yo-yo and I got a camisole that I have been "needing". (Ok, a color that I wanted to match the suit jacket I haven't been wearing without the cami! That is a NEED!) Besides it was only a couple dollars, and it filled another need in me :) Bad Tara! I know, the shopaholic in me is still trying to sneak its way out. What can I say, I enjoy shopping?

So now with bed time here, and the appointment tomorrow, I am nervous again. I had been talking to a friend who informed me that it may not be as clear cut as I had hoped. (Of course). I think right now, I just need to stop thinking all together, and pray. I quit praying for my wants a while ago. I have been praying for God's will to be done. Ever since I had my patriarchal blessing in December (basically a life long blessing of guidance and counsel given to me personally) I have had a strong understanding and just a knowledge that the Lord has a great plan for me and my family in this life, that I am not meant to struggle forever. I have decided to put my full faith in him, and that knowledge, and let what comes be what may, as I know it is his will. Especially the more I am striving to live his will, and follow his counsel.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about how on earth I will ever meet someone to invite to share the gospel with for the missionary challenge this week. I hate to fail. Again, take that back to one of my perfectionist tendencies. I wouldn't say I was a perfectionist, I am far from it, and i have actually been getting better over the years (scary thought) but it still largely effects my life. The worst part is ~ I'm working on it. I can't tell. Ha!! I like things perfect though, the idea of accepting a less than perfect standard just to "heal" myself is an irritating thought. lol. I have dirty floors from time to time, and a messy house, my hair isn't always perfect. I make lots of mistakes. Heck just read my blog! So its not that bad. Just don't ask me how it is effecting my life in a negative way. :)