If you're goin through hell

Ok, Ok, So I'm not doing very good at any of my goals. Eek! Wait! That is not entirely true. I have been working at my self worth by going to counselling, and changing the way I look at myself. I value the efforts I put in, and try not to expect perfection. As for the parenting goal, I haven't taken another step in the book yet, and the third goal...what was it again??? Oh my goodness, I even had to look it up again, that is how dedicated I have been to it! It was to be better at keeping my books up to date for my business! Oops. Well, on a negative/positive note, I haven't done any business to keep my books up to date! lol. So other than inputting a couple receipts for supplies I purchased, I don't have any other book keeping to do. Oh, and year end for last year! (Which will be a huge task reconciling everything!) On the positive note, I still consider January 31 an OK target to keep my books on track, as long as I do it monthly that should be fair for the amount of business I'm doing right now. Anyways, I also should mention I know I may have publicly stated that I was going to read my scriptures and study them with my study guide for 6 out of 7 days, but I haven't done it once! Oopsy! Queen of procrastination right here! I may just be the worst goal setter ever! This doesn't mean that I'm giving up, it just means that I need to set a more realistic goal, one that I can achieve. I am not going to make any public statements, because I don't know exactly what my plan is as of yet, but I am going to adjust those numbers and try again gosh darn it! :)


So I've come to a realization this last week that it's time I start thinking about re-entering the job market. That's right, going back to an old fashion JOB. I don't want to but I need to pay the bills some how, and I want to get on with my life, not live in poverty for ever. So I'm sure once I find a way to be financially independent it will help me to be able to better process the divorce or experience the "mourning" process if you will. They say there actually is that process to go through, if you can believe it. I can. And I have been prolonging it, but staying here, trying not to move from where I'm at for fear of the unknown, for fear of failure, fear I couldn't do it on my own. But now that I'm feeling better those fears are gone and I know I'll be fine I just need to get moving. It's like one of my favorite songs "If you're going through Hell..." by Rodney Atkins. It says in the lyrics (in case you're not much of a country music fan!) "if you're going through hell, keep on going, don't slow down. If you're scared don't show it. You might get out before the devil even knows your there". Its a good tune. Always reminds me, that when times are tough its no reason to stop and cry, or wallow in my pain, this is the worst place to stop, I should start running, so that way I can get on to happier places and higher ground faster! :) I'm going to try to figure out how to add a music player to my blog.


Ok, so I liked it so much I added the lyrics below, I highly recommend reading it, but I'm one of those people who listen to the lyrics of most songs, before I decide if I like them or not. So, even if you may be thinking there's that H-E-double hockey sticks (LL) in there a lot I think its an appropriate usage of the word. So, use your own discretion.  

Well you know those times
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to you
That's when you learn the truth

If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Well I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, yeahBut the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been dragging for so long
You're on your knees
You might as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying

If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're thereIf your going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down