Me and my migraines

OK, So I know technically yesterday I should have started all my new years resolutions, and today I should have given them all good effort too right? Wrong. Ha. Today was just another bad migraine day, I had no energy. Believe it or not I didn't manage to get any thing done before church and we have church at 1 pm. To top that off, I didn't get the kids back from Shane until I got to church so its not like I was busy running around getting them ready.

See, I'm sure all of you know by now I suffer from chronic migraines. Why don't I just take a second and give everyone a quick run down of what that means exactly. Firstly, the word chronic in front of the migraines means that I suffer migraines more than 15 out of 30 days a month. That's what it takes for the doc's to decide to give you the fancy title. (frankly they can have it back along with the migraines). A migraine isn't just a bad headache or a one-sided headache. It is accompanied by other symptoms. since there are so many I will just share my experiences with you (I mean that's why you're all reading this right? To know more about me right? lol!) It begins with pre-warning symptoms of fatigue and irritability that can last for hours or days. So, if I'm kinda cranky or tired now you know why. Then I suffer from the Aura. This is the funky stuff it does right before or as the migraine is coming on. This usually lasts any where from an hour to four hours for me. This includes:

• blurry vision, including seeing wavy lines, or zig zags in my vision. Some times I experience blind spots in my vision before the migraine comes on. or flashing lights. Usually though blurry vision, especially a haziness to my vision is common for hours.
• Difficulty thinking, confusion. I will have a thought in my head and poof its gone. You may be sitting there thinking oh, that happens to me all the time. Well, not in the middle of your sentence or conversations - all the time!
• Tingling in my hands and sometimes feet, or even my arms. I get cold feet a lot, that is attributed to the migraines. (Its to hard to explain how though, I'm not that smart).

Then after all this fun stuff we move along to the migraine! Yay. so now that I can't see well or thinks straight, I start to feel like I'm going to throw up! That's right, nausea. The worst is when you're out in public, or driving. I often am reminded of when I was pregnant, because you have to pull you car over on the side of the road sometimes or other totally inconvenient places totally out of your control, just like when you were preggo. And there is the head pain. For me its almost always on the right side, in my eye. It feels like someone has taken a knife and stabbed it into my eye, and up into my head. The actual head pain can last from 4 hours to 3 days. Sometimes I wake up with them. Sometimes I can't sleep because I have a migraine. Sometimes I have to go to bed because I have a migraine. You can get back to back migraines, so if you think hey, I've had one for 6 days now, you've probably had two or three in a row. Here is a tip though, if your doctor ever tries to tell you there isn't anything you can take for a migraine (this is usually what they tell people who only suffer the light occassional migraine) he's lying. They have the best abortive medicine out there, and if you've ever suffered a horrible migraine you know its worth the $25 for that pill. Oh, yeah the meds are costly.

Once the migraine starts three things make the pain intensify:

1. LIGHT
2. MOVEMENT
3. SOUND

So that's right, moving around makes it worse. Sometimes I go lay down in a dark quiet room for a while and think, OK, I've gotten the pain down to a 2 or a 3 I think I will be fine to keep going for the day. When as soon as I get up, BAM! Its right back up there to a 7 or an 8. Then afterwards, you finally kick that stubborn migraine to the curb... you can suffer fatigue for 24 hours after. So I feel like I am constantly fatigued (or in a state of exhaustion).

OH, I bet you might want to know what all these numbers are. Well, migraines are measured in their pain intensity. A one being barely noticeable, to ten being unbearable, I would go to ER to get help. an 8 or 9 would definitely put me in bed for the day, but a 3 or a 4 I might work with it, but I would cancel social outings.

As of right now, there is no known cure for migraines, I began experiencing heavy onset migraines (28 out of 30 days or so) in October of 2009 and they haven't stopped since. I have had 2 periods in that time when the frequency subsided for a couple weeks, but that's it. I read it once put like this "It's like living with an invisible disability, even just people talking is like every syllable is like a knife going into your head." I guess what people don't realize about chronic migraine sufferers is that it is a chronic illness that is debilitating. I am a push yourself through it kinda gal, but if you do that with a migraine it gets worse. So, Its been a long hard 18 months of trying to learn how to live with this. I mean, really, I still don't know how to live with it. Admittedly I leaned heavily on Shane this last 18 months, and I was lucky to be at home full time. This year things are going to be different. I am going to have to learn to cope. I keep thinking somehow I will find a way to make it go away, but the doc's say nope. Well, technically they said I do have to look forward to the fact that 90% of all women don't suffer migraines in there 60's. I think I wanted to cry when I heard that. I wasn't really happy at all.

So, I didn't put all this out there because I'm gonna complain all the time, I just wanted to educate, so that way when I mention it, we all know whats going on. Plus, this again goes back to the getting this stuff off my chest.

So on a good note, I did something I thought I was never going to do today. I shared my testimony in church. I know people may think I'm out going but I am not a public speaker! I made the mistake of starting to speak, then I looked up. I thought I was going to pee my pants when I looked up and saw all those people. I literally stopped speaking and said "wow, there's a lot of people in here". But I made it through, and got most of what I was thinking out. I'm pretty sure I didn't make any sense. I couldn't seem to articulate my words to save my life, but I realize now that what I did and said wasn't for everyone else. It was for me. I learned a lot today, and by saying out loud and bearing my feelings (of my testimony) publicly its like proving it to yourself that yes I do mean it. It was more powerful than I thought it would be, and I have a much stronger understanding of why we do that in our church. It only took me two years. I also found it very validating (and surprising!) to have 3 people refer to me in gospel study class! Little ol' me, said something of value! I quoted a good scripture. Maybe I won't be as afraid to get up there again... next year.