Mean Queen

So, today was the first of me and Berlyn's scheduled one on one time. I had set aside one hour during Elias's nap time to play with her. Well from the moment she woke up this morning she started planning for it! Here is the list she sat and had me write out for us to do first thing this morning:

• make a fort make sure to use the couch cushions
• do our makeup
• do our hair
• put on pretty dresses
• play pretend and send her to England
• Read a story
• bake a cake
• play tickle monster (I made this one go at the end since it was too noisy for nap time, she wanted to play only this for the hour!)

So after we made our list for the day, our morning was filled with "how long till Elias's nap mom?" So I decided maybe we needed some things to do. Elias, Berlyn and I worked on some crafty projects making some very pretty Thank You letters that were long over due from Christmas. Which took us about an hour using some fabric, glitter glue, and paper. I will still need to write in the main body of the letter later when the glue dries but I'm glad we got that project done, and that the kids and I spent the valued time together. I want to try to teach my children some of the forgotten old fashion values like thank you notes. I know I haven't always been good at this myself but if I start now, and do them with my kids I think it is such a kind gesture, and it requires more effort than just a phone call to a person to thank them. I believe it shows them that you are genuinely thankful, because even if you went out and bought the card, you had to go out of your way, read through the cards, buy one, write in it, seal it, either deliver it yourself, or mail it. I prefer to mail them even because happy mail feels special and is exciting.

Anyways, back to the day, so after our crafts, Berlyn, Elias and I did the dishes, and finally Elias went down for his nap! Then it was time. We took out our very best dresses, Berlyn picked mine, and had me put it on, and she wore one of her dress up dresses. She was a PRINCESS, I was the MEAN QUEEN! First we adorned ourselves with jewelry, then I had to send her off to England! lol. We managed to play pretend for the afternoon, probably spent about 2 hours playing pretend, doing her makeup, and building a fort together. It was a lot of fun. We even had a snack in the fort in the living room. I really wanted to take a picture of Berlyn with her makeup and one of our really cool fort, but dang it, still I don't have a camera! I wish Shane would just leave his here. But most importantly, what I wanted to say, was that, I made sure through out the day, to live in the moment and listen to what Berlyn was saying. I was present when my children were speaking to me, and when I really was pre-occupied I stopped, and explained I would need a few minutes to do what I was doing, before I could give them the attention they were looking for. It upset Berlyn (because she is used to me always listening- or pretending to) but she accepted it. I think when she gets older she will appreciate it, because I know I cannot fool River with false listening, he would be, and is hurt if I do it to him. He just walks away, feeling like no one cares about what he is saying. So, I don't do that to him, I let him know to hold his thought, and I finish what I'm doing and then turn my attention to him. Now I just need to schedule regular one on one's with River, and Elias, and I will be on a roll! :)


Later I had a small incident (which has become a problem) with Berlyn lying when I asked her if she had written on an important paper. It wasn't the paper I was worried about, it was the lying. I have been trying to nip this lying in the bud for a while, and have tried a few different approaches and nothing seems to be working. I have tried explaining the principles of it, and how heavenly father commands us to be honest, and we want to make him and our parents proud. That it is wrong to tell a lie, or to say something that isn't true, even if we are scared we will get in trouble. I have tried giving her the easy way out, like saying, (in a very nice tone) Berlyn, I know that you did write on the paper, are you lying to me because you feel afraid you will get in trouble? So that way she knows that I understand why her first instinct was to lie, but that it is unnecessary to continue the lie. Then I would continue that conversation with the explanation about what the understanding is for the next time etc. Still no change in behaviour. So now, I've resorted to explaining that, here is what the consequence would have been if you told the truth, but since you lied, this is the much more severe consequence. The only problem is trying to make it seem relative. Like with writing on my paper. I probably wouldn't have given her a consequence at all, I just would have said please don't. But, since she lied I told her that she would have to wash two sinks full of dishes by herself. (We were going to do them together.) She was devastated, but I didn't know what else to do. So, lets hope this latest method is going to start to work.