What a week!

Where to begin? First of all, I know I haven't written on here in a week! It has been one hectic week let me tell you! I had the most random opportunity to apply for a great job, so I had to rush to put together a resume. Trust me, after being self-employed for so long, and prior to that, I had been in the same industry for years (not the industry I was applying to now either!) it made for some tough writing on that resume! Good thing writing is one of my strong skills. I know my blog may not show it, but IT IS! So, after spending literally all of Wednesday last week (morning, noon, and night) writing a resume, I managed to walk in and snag myself a great job, with a good company. I'm really excited, because although I really love being self employed (and am going to miss it like crazy) I need something much more stable right now with the divorce and all. Since I have to be a single parent, I need to know that my income is reliable, along with my schedule and having a job history is important too for credit purposes. So right now, I think this is a good thing. Bitter sweet, but good.

So, I haven't been too good with my goals lately. But amazingly I'm not too down about it. My life has been extremely busy, and productive, so its been difficult to fit some things in. I am excited with the new job to have some regularity that I will be able to find a balance within a few weeks, that will work for me. So, for now, I keep them in mind, and I haven't given up on both my short term goals, or my long term ones. One thing I do want to say though, I have stayed fairly consistent with my attempts to hold one-on-one play time with my kids. It hasn't been as often as I would like but it has been occurring. I am so glad to be able to do this, and as I schedule it in, it really shows me how truly rare it was before for each of my children, to receive that singular attention.

This evening was River and I's turn. We waited until after the kids were in bed, and then I let him pick what we should do. At first he wanted to bake. Then he wanted to build, with wood. (Uh... no.) Then out of cardboard. (what cardboard?) So then we built a really awesome fort in the living room. His idea. It was way cooler than me and Berlyn's. It must be a boy thing! lol. After when we got inside I had a chance to talk to him. I let him know if he ever needed to talk he can always talk to me, and that I'll always be there for him. I let him know that the things he is feeling I know what they feel like, because I felt them too, when I was a kid. I also talked to him about how there are lots of other children out there who are going through the same thing as him, and how they feel the same ways. He was really happy to know that he wasn't the only person in the world to feel the way he does. He felt good to know that I might actually understand him. He also was excited when i explained to him about the PACES course. It is a course put on at the family center called Parents And Children Experiencing Separation. He was really happy to hear that he could meet other children going through this. I feel so happy to know that our one-on-one's are already paying off, and that he opened up a bit to me tonight. It has taken a few talks for him to feel comfortable to do that, and I have been so worried about him.

This week has been a real pivotal point for me and my family. I learned a lot about divorce in an LDS marriage, and that there are times when you can feel like it is ok. I learned that I am going to be alright, and that Heavenly father is truly helping carry me right now. I used to absolutely LOVE the footprints poem when I was little, and right now in my life I am reminded of it. I feel like I am being not only carried by him, but protected by him as well.  This week in my life I also have seen how he has been blessing my life continuously, and helping me to get on my feet. I am positive that I am doing the right things, and even though it is hard, and painful at times, I know that I will be stronger, and better for it.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.